slow it down.

27 10 2008

The bus ride home was extremely crowded today. The driver had to keep pulling up to stops, hoping people would exit, then have to tell everyone outside they would have to wait for the next bus. When I finally made it to my stop (which I almost missed because no one would let me off…) I heard all this yelling. I looked towards the intersection and there was a crazy woman standing in front of the bus, not letting it pass. She was upset because she thought the bus was going to leave without her (she was probably right) and it was already incredibly late (fuck LA traffic). She literally stood with one hand on her hip and the other out in front of her, palm faced towards the bus in the universal stop sign. Even though the driver promised to let her on, she still wasn’t convinced and made him follow her across the street when the light turned green again. WTF Los Angeles?

School is driving me crazy. Too many presentations, too little time, and of course, no one even cares anymore. We’re seniors. Come on.

I bought the second book in the Twilight saga, but still haven’t read it. I wrapped it up in the bag so I can’t see it and be tempted to read it before the week is over.

Wednesday we went out to the Standard again. I hardly drank but still managed to get sick and throw up. I was hungover the next day and skipped class. Again. I need to stop going out on weeknights, but where’s the fun in that?

Friday was the first Halloween party. The boys downstairs had a party, so we all dressed up and went for a bit. I was a policewoman, Jime a sailor, Lindsay was Carmen San Diego, and Claire was Sarah Palin. A very diverse collection of costumes, right? We left that party because it was too crowded and went off in search of another party. We heard TKE’s Halloween party was that night, so Jime and I walked all the way to the row, only to find out they were at capacity. Ugh. ZBT was still open, so we joined the pajama party in Halloween apparel. The party was pretty lame. Saw some people I knew. Found a shoe. Put it on. Threw it away. Met some g’s. Made fun of sorority girls getting dry humped on the wall. Took a lot of pictures. Drank a lot and wasn’t hungover. Crazy.

Saturday was an adventure. I finally went to the vegan place, Pure Luck, off Vermont and Melrose. Amazing. The grilled tofu and pesto sandwich was one of the best things I’ve eaten all semester. We also went to Target to find a movie to watch slash buy useless stuff. Some random asian walked by me, then scared me half to death by abruptly asking, “Are you part asian?” “Yes.” “What kind?” “Half Japanese.” “You’re fucking adorable!” Ugh. I was not fucking adorable that day. I was broke down and wearing glasses. Creeper.

Jime and I stayed in that night and watched Breakfast at Tiffany’s. I adore it. I can’t believe I’ve never seen it before. It makes me want to go to New York. Or anywhere. Or have a day where I do things I’ve never done before. Or change my name and adopt another persona. Maybe I can do that after I graduate. hmm…

Random dream from a few nights ago: I was turned into a vampire and the other vampires convinced me to get a tattoo. When I looked in the mirror to see what they drew, I saw a sheep with a best buy tag on my fucking neck. I was so fucking upset when I woke up because I thought it really happened. Thank god it was just a dream. I think it’s a sign NOT to get a tattoo.

oh. and he called the other night to tell me not to go out with anyone because it will make him mad. he wants me to wait for him in case things don’t work out with her. ya.





rainy day.

17 10 2008

Today was so…rollercoaster-y. Just a fucking up and down ride that just won’t stop. I feel sick and worn out.

It’s nice to be with my family, but I they disappoint me so often. I have a problem with getting hopes up then watching them get crushed into nothing.

I’m also irritated with people who only ask for things.

One positive for the day: I no longer care about how much they spent on my education. I would rather focus on being happy. Fuck it.





is it Christmas yet?

11 10 2008

Yesterday I randomly decided to buy Twilight. I read the first few chapters during lunch at work and couldn’t put it down. I finshed it earlier today. I am in love.

Not just with the book. I’m in love with love. Does that make sense? When Edward tells Bella he’s the most important thing in his life, I cried a little. I want someone to feel that for me. I want to feel that for someone.

I don’t even know where to begin. Where do you find such a person? Add on to that my incredible intimacy problem, and I have no idea if it will ever happen for me.

One thing is for sure: he is not the person. He can never love me like that and I KNOW this. I must remember this all the time.

I keep saying I’m in love with Edward, that I love a fictional character, a vampire, the actor that plays him, but that’s not it at all. I just can’t say what I really think because I just feel so ashamed about it for some reason. I’m afraid to let it out because it’s already so far from reach and I always jinx things. I feel so alone. I just want to be alone right now. I can’t be alone right now and it’s driving me crazy. It’s also probably the worst thing for me right now. I’m not making any sense.

Tomorrow I want to start new. I’ve been feeling really terrible. Today was not a good day. My whole body is in another state. I can’t explain just how disgusting I feel. I have to clean up. I will succeed. I have to succeed. I want to love and be loved.





you’ve been running through my mind all day.

6 10 2008

I started my new job last week. It’s pretty low key and, for the most part, I enjoy being there. I would really like to get to know my coworkers better, but it’s hard because we’re in a completely different room. The two girls are hilarious. Very LA. I just want to laugh when I listen to them talk, but I know that would be bad. I’ve just been trying to keep my comments as necessary as possible because I don’t want to be annoying…I’d rather be the quiet shy one. Why do I have so many personalities? It’s fun? I don’t even know.

Thursday night Jime and I went downtown with Minnie for Ayla’s birthday party. I was excited because I thought we were going to the Standard, but for some reason we ended up at 7th and Grand. Ugh. Oh well. We still had fun so that’s all that really matters. Some of the pictures from the night were pretty hilarious.

Friday I promised to help Amanda with her zombie film, so I threw on my slutty nurse costume and campus-ed it over the sketch 36th place. Her friends are hilarious. I’m glad we were all drinking…it’s the only explanation I have for being so flirty. Oops. Those pictures are intense. I can’t even believe we were being filmed. Great. It was terribly fun, though. One of her friends was just adorable. I need to stop thinking about boys.

Saturday was the Oregon game, which I had to work again. Highlight of the afternoon was the Taco Van Fire. Intense. A really nice man gave me his tickets, so I put them on will call for Cassie AND THEN SHE NEVER SHOWED UP. I need to stop trying to do nice things for people…especially Ducks. After the game Jime and I decided not to go out, but rather stay in, make a pie, and watch a movie. The pie was pretty good…mmm. Mike came over and joined us as we watched the Science of Sleep, which was amazing. So funny. I love Gael Garcia Bernal.

Again, I woke up on Sunday NOT hungover. I really like it. I did some work and then Jime drove me to work. I finished early so we went with Luciana and Badr to Korean BBQ. I never want to eat meat again. Badr is so funny. He def has a crush on Jime…poor boy, she’s going to break his little Moroccan heart.

I’m definitely against boys with beards. They look so much better without them! Maybe that’s what people think about me…but not with beards of course. Like, she would be so much cuter if she wasn’t so round! I need to stop eating pie and starting getting some kind of exercise. I just can’t find anything that interests me. Maybe I should have gone to Zumba with the SF crew. Maybe I should just have dance parties in my room.

I’m so set on getting a nice car. My heart is going to shatter into a million pieces if I can’t have a TSX!

The boy I marry must fit this requirement: be able to sing Best of Me and Do Your Feet Hurt?. Perfect.