confused.

The drama around here is suffocating me. I don’t understand how I can get so wrapped up in it when my resolution for the year was to avoid it. It’s like I’m destined to always be living amidst fucked up relationships, uncaring and selfish people, stupid decisions, reminders of what being happy is like, etc.

I’m trying to be positive. I don’t want this to get worse, but have no clue how to make it better. Right now I’m in the ‘Try not to drink’ and ‘Say as little as possible’ stages. It’s keeping me out of other peoples’ messes, but what will happen in the long-run? Is this worth it? I just don’t know what to do. I’m not even sure what the fuck is going on most of the time.

By the way, I feel nothing.

Lots of disappointment lately, but how upset can I be? Karma. I flake, you flake.I guess I’m just bummed because I never seem to catch a break.

I’ve been trying to be a lot better. Not in a fake way, just not saying everything I think. I’m pretty good at it, but I have been practicing for awhile.

Two finals this week, one next week, then on my way home. I still haven’t figured out how long I want to be home for. It pretty much depends on how I feel. Right now it’s like I don’t belong anywhere. I think that’s why I have the sudden desire to just leave and go somewhere new all by myself. I wish I could just runaway. Maybe next semester I’ll just escape a lot. It’s not like there’s anthing to keep my here all weekend. Or week.

I was so excited to go to Disneyland. It’s sad and just pathetic that I’m bummed, but I can’t help it.

We used to be this close. Why is this happening? I’m not even real anymore.

my only art.

there are days when i feel invisible. this is one of them.

why are things getting harder?

i can’t think about anything important. all i think about is how i don’t know what the hell is going on. i fucked everything up and things will never be ok again.

stress stress stress and sadness.