Max Bemis decided to sell personalized songs in Say Anything’s merch store and I’m terribly tempted to do it. $150 seems like a good deal for a song written about you the vocalist/lyricist of a band I’ve loved for years.
When I read that post on AP, I immediately started drafting paragraphs. I wanted a song about Rory that would talk about how much I hated him for fucking with me for years. It was spiteful and immature and at the time, I felt strongly about the message. On the drive to Seattle later that night, I realized a song like that wouldn’t do anything to help me get over him, which I thought was the point. All that song would do is remind me of things he’s done and what a piece of shit he is. I know that right now. I want to get over it and move the fuck on.
My latest idea is to briefly explain how I was/am stuck in this tumultous ‘relationship,’ but that I realize I am worth more than some girl on the side. I need an anthem that will motivate me to keep going, to keep my head up, remind me that I am worth so much more than I’ve been treated in the past. That song, that message would be worth the money.
I wish I was a better writer. I fear that I will just sound pathetic and immature.
I’m tired of being here. I don’t feel like I have any friends here. All the people I would love to see are not here. I spend most of my time sitting in my room, sleeping, or shopping. Bad habits come back. I wish I was back in LA, especially when I see the pictures of everyone having fun at parties or just hanging out and being silly. Everything is so serious here.
It’s funny how I think things with the new one are different, but there are so many similarities. I have to drive because he has no car, he tells me my excuses are lame…actually, that’s all I can think of right now. I guess I’m being trivial, but those two things bothered me enough in the last 24 hours to influence my decision to stay in tonight. Fuck driving to Seattle again. I just want to sleep away the rest of the day. Or weekend. Make that summer. I have got to get out of here.
Oh, and I’m still phoneless.
